Even Christians need to laugh sometimes! After all, God does have a sense of humor. Here are some faith related funnies to brighten your day that we hope to update on a regular basis!
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?“
They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. “Where is God?“
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God!?“
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?“
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: “We are in BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!“
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A church was badly in need of a coat of paint. So the pastor decided he’d do the job himself. However, all he had was one bucket of paint. So he got a bunch of buckets and some water, and he thinned the paint enough to cover the entire church. Then he spent all day painting. That night it rained—very hard—and washed all the paint off. The pastor was quite discouraged and asked God, “Why…why God, did you let it rain and wash off all my hard work?“
To which God thundered his reply, “Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!“
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HYMNS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
Dentist’s Hymn – Crown Him with Many Crowns
Weatherman’s Hymn – There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
Contractor’s Hymn – The Church’s One Foundation
The Tailor’s Hymn – Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer’s Hymn – There’s a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician’s Hymn – Standing on the Promises
Optometrist’s Hymn – Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent’s Hymn – I Surrender All
The Gossip’s Hymn – Pass It On
The Electrician’s Hymn – Send The Light
The Shopper’s Hymn – Sweet Bye and Bye
The Realtor’s Hymn – I’ve Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn – He Touched Me
The Doctor’s Hymn – The Great Physician
AND for those who speed on the highway:
45 mph – God Will Take Care of You
65 mph – Nearer My God To Thee
85 mph – This World Is Not My Home
95 mph – Lord, I’m Coming Home
100 mph – Precious Memories
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, “Johnny, what is the matter?“
Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
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A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?“
“Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly and asked, “How do you know that?“
“Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said: 4 better,4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
The mother replied, “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.“
The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
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A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, “Who are all those men in the pictures?“
The usher replied, “Why, those are our boys who died in the service“.
Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, “Was that the morning service or the evening service?“
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For a Pastor’s 50th birthday, the congregation decided to give him a new suit. He was so touched by the gift that the following Sunday he stood before everyone and, with tears in his eyes, announced, “Today I am preaching to you in my birthday suit!“
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After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided to become a Pastor when I grow up.“
The mother replied, “That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?“
“Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen.“
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A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord’s Prayer at a church service:
“And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.”
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A boy was watching his father, a Pastor, write a
sermon. “How do you know what to say?” he asked.
“Why, what God tells me,” the Pastor replied.
“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?“
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A little girl became restless as the Preacher’s sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?“
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After the dedication of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That Pastor said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!“
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Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. “The flight to Egypt,” said Kyle. “I see … and that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,” Ms. Terri said. “But who’s the fourth person?“
“Oh, that’s Pontius – the Pilot.”
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“There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service,” announced the pastor.
After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst – a visitor who had never attended their church before.
“My friend,” said the pastor, “Didn’t you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?“
“Yes,” said the visitor, “and after today’s sermon, I suppose I’m just about as bored as anyone else who came to this meeting.“
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The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?” “No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.“
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The way we might sing some well-known hymns if we were being honest:
A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
Above Average is Thy Faithfulness
Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
All Hail the Influence of Jesus’ Name
My Hope is Built on Nothing Much
Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
My Faith Looks Around for Thee
Be Thou My Hobby
O God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
Blest Be the Tie That Doesn’t Cramp My Style
Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
He’s Quite a Bit to Me
Oh, How I Like Jesus
I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus
Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
I Surrender Some
Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
I’m Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come
Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
Special, Special, Special
Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me
Stick Nearby, It’s Getting Dark Outside
Take My Life and Let Me Be
There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
There Shall be Sprinkles of Blessings
What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
When Peace, Like a Trickle. . .
When the Saints Go Sneaking In
Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
God of Taste, and God of Stories
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A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, “I descend into Hell!” A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trap door would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place.
When the new actor announced, “I descend into Hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony then jumped up and yelled:
“Hallelujah! Hell is full!“
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After a worship service, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told the pastor how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, “If you don’t be quiet, the Pastor is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!‘”
It worked.
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A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?“
“Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.“
“Oh,” she paused, “Grandpa, did God make me too?“
“Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.“
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?“
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A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.”
Mount Nebo Baptist Church - Fred, Texas 